When Under Threat…

The Roommate From Hell Scenario

Welcome Mind Controller!

I recently was in a conversation with a person who was under extreme stress due to a psychopathic roommate. Her roommate moved in without a deposit, neglected paying rent, abused the environment, and used passive aggression toward any attempt to reconcile the problems she created. Yes, roommate from hell.
If this has happened to you it is something you never forget.
The roommate may present themselves as a person, what they really are is a THREAT, a threat to your peace of mind, your security, your well being, and a threat to the things you value.
It’s easy for an outside observer to give suggestions how to deal with this situation. It’s different when you are the one under threat.
My advise is as follows: Remember, you may be under threat but you are NOT out of control. Your responsibility is first and foremost to yourself, your well-being, and the people and property in your charge. You must quickly develop a strategy of response that will this person out of your life eventually, if not immediately.
Step 1. Detach, Get Emotional Distance – Understand, when anyone is feeling under attack your mental resources become limited. Specifically, all long term planning stop, and all cognitive/thinking functions narrow. All that’s left is the fight or flight. Fight or flight are responses for imminent physical danger. While it may FEEL as though you are under such a threat, it is seldom the case. You may feel violated but you are alive and still have options.
Once you realize you are being exploited or under attack by a sociopath you must understand how a fight or flight response will limit you. You must take efforts to calm yourself. Pause, take a few breaths. Vow to think calmly and with a long term perspective. Check in on your mental state so that you can maintain a calm and functional mind.
You may not be able to resolve the threat/problem quickly so resolve to maintain this emotional detachment through the long haul.
Step 2. Security, Secure Your Assets – Once you are in a calm mental state begin to assess what truly is under threat. Do what is called “Securing Your Assets”. Your assets are physical (property, pets, family members), mental (being preoccupied with the problem and limiting your ability to work) and emotional (your peace of mind).
Physical assets under immediate threat have to be secured. This could mean removing them from the persons contact, putting things in storage, finding someone to board your pets, etc. Security also includes protecting your future assets from the threat until it’s removed.
Mental and Emotional assets like peace of mind and focus can be gained by practicing mental calming techniques and scheduling you times you will ONLY deal with the threat.
Determine your strengths in this battle. Your strengths may be patience, cunning and guile. You may have legal resources you haven’t thought of or, friends and family who are willing to stand by you. Rely on your strengths and battle this threat by attacking their weaknesses.
During this step you are gaining something you had momentarily lost: control.
Step 3. Assess and Plan – Stop wishing the problem would just go away. You should now feel a degree of acceptance that you will have to deal with this unwanted threat/exploitation. The threat is no longer a surprise, instead it’s a condition you ready to deal with. Get yourself out of the reactionary mode. Begin to plan and strategize. Look at the Big Picture and begin planning for longer than just the moment. If it is going to take time to remove the threat, then you must be ready. Begin planning.

Avoid getting revenge.

Focus on getting out.

Here are some pointers when planning your counter-measures:
  • Contact people you trust to let them know of the threat you’re under. Ask for their support. If all they can give you is moral support and encouragement, take it. You’ll be surprised how many people are on your side. They may also be willing to help you move and store things until your situation is safe.
  • When you can, make your response appear from nowhere and not from you. They cannot defend against an unknown attacker.
  • Don’t reveal your hand. Don’t let them know how you will respond. Put them on the defensive with surprise.
Step 4. Rehearse – Don’t wait for the threat to happen to figure out how to respond. Practice going over your options BEFORE you need them. US Special Forces have a saying “The more you sweat in training, the less you bleed in combat.” Take it to heart. This means imagining what would happen if you were in a bad situation and felt under attack or exploited. Imagine first calming yourself, stepping back from the situation and re-evaluating your options. From a calm perspective you have many more options that you would imagine. Consider all the moves and counter-moves that may occur. Your goal is to be more prepared than your threat could ever be.
Step 5 -Act, Execute Your Plan – Go into action. Once you have developed a plan of action it’s time to go to war. Don’t lose your presence of mind. Remain calm, determined and focused. Execute your plan, being prepared to act quickly if the situation changes in any way.
“Roommates From Hell” are rare, but when you have one you know it. Being prepared in this way gives you feeling of strength and peace of mind that is priceless. If you find yourself having to deal with such a psychopath follow the steps and LEARN from the experience. You can look back on it and consider the actions you will take in the future so that it won’t happen again. Lessons like these can be expensive, costing you money, time and peace of mind. Make sure you learn enough so they don’t happen again.

Build Your Internal Resources

Having strong internal resources such as confidence, patience, determination and focus will prove valuable when life is stressful. For that reason I highly recommend the DVD training “Real Self Change” by the late Jeffrey Stephens.
This DVD training is a virtual toolbox that will help you build and make the positive changes you want in your life.

David Barron
aka Dantalion Jones

PS, For the month of February you’ll get a 25% discount on ALL products when you use the discount code “JeffStephensDVDs” upon checkout.




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